The things I have learned during my first year of marriage and what has really changed

Hi, loves, how did you like those throwbacks I though up at the top? I am still shocked at how fast this year has flown by. I can’t believe I have already been married one year… we survived the first year of marriage! It definitely was not an easy year but when you have a newborn and your newlyweds you have many challenges thrown your way. So, I am here to tell you all what I have learned and what all has changed during my first year of marriage.

I’ll give you all a little information from the beginning of our relationship. Effram and I have been together since 2011 and we did the whole long-distance relationship. He went to SFA about 2 hours away and I went to University of Houston Downtown. We both went to school full time and worked full time so trying to balance that with a relationship was challenging but somehow, we made it work. We both graduated college the same year, literally a day apart from each other. So, we have been together 7 years strong now. Today, Effram and I are celebrating our 1 year anniversary, I am sure everyone feels the same way but I’ll say it again.. this year has gone by extremely fast. It feels like just yesterday we went on our first date. People said many things to us about what we should expect to happen during the first year of marriage, some were very encouraging and some well they were frightful to say the least. As I always say you can’t always take in others advice.. just say thank you and keep it moving. So, let’s just dive in to what all I have learned and what the Lord has taught me throughout this first year.

“The first year of Marriage will be your hardest…”
Everyone that I know that is married told me this, then you throw a newborn into the first year of marriage and it becomes twice as hard. Hearing this advice was definitely odd and a little uncomfortable but they were being real and honest. I thought well everyone’s relationships are different, but how could your relationship just change? How can you transition from a relationship that brought so much joy to both of us, to something that sounds terrible? The thought of this being true what a little scary, I didn’t want this to happen or to be us saying this to other future couples. Not for the sake of being able to say I had a marriage that I enjoyed, but because I knew that this perspective was born out of a fallen nature, not a flaw in God’s design. The truth is, that your marriage is just that, YOUR marriage. All of our relationships are different as we are each individually different people. My first year of marriage was very different from the others that gave me this advice. We will all have different experiences of our first year of marriage. However, listening to the advice from others causes our mindset to play a huge role in how we approach life. Expectations can be your worst any, they are not your friend. When you take this advice from others you are already expecting the first year to be terrible, challenging, and hard. When we do that we miss the good things, we miss the sight to see what it is really is. We all go through different seasons in life, in marriage, in friendships etc.… These new seasons test us, they bend us but they do not break us. In Christ there is nothing more special than when our sin is exposed. When our sin is exposed this is God’s grace, it is his way of showing us our weaknesses, we tend to ignore our weaknesses. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sin.” 1 Peter 4:8

“Just because you become a mom, doesn’t mean you stop being a wife…”
These words were whispered into my heart one night, when I was just praying. They rang true, my first year of marriage was different from most, I got married just three weeks after having baby Mia. This threw more challenges our way, your adjusting to living with someone while also adjusting to being a mom for the first time. I’m not going to lie, Mia took pretty much all of my time and my attention, she is my baby and my first baby at that. When those words were whispered in my heart I took a step back and just thought for a few minutes. Y’all. the truth is marriage is hard work. You must invest in it just as you would any relationship. Just because you get married doesn’t mean you stop trying. You must work together as a team, invest quality time and effort into each other. Communication is the biggest thing, you must want and have the desire to continue this journey and help it grow. As I sat there I thought, you know a family is built on a solid foundation of marriage. Our kids are very important, they are our world, but our marriages are even more important.


“Often, we go through dating with rose colored glasses, but rip them off when we get married…”
This saying resonated with me, it really has helped me realize that the same grace we gave while dating we should give while married. Just because you are married now doesn’t mean they transform into the perfect husband who can do no wrong overnight. We should love our spouse without reservation. Also if we’re going to rip the rose colored glasses off when we get married then we shouldn’t have worn them in the first place. Dating is the time to be critical to examine things and to seek advice. You want to make sure that you are making the right decision. As I stated earlier “love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 but what it doesn’t address is preferences. Too many times there is miscommunication and expectations on your own preferences not being met. This isn’t fair and really comes down to selfishness. It takes time to learn the best way to work and communicate together but you do have that covering of safety that love extends to everyone. It is so easy to just walk through life and not acknowledge or even forget the calling we have. The calling we have to love those around us and to not just love them… but to radically love them as he radically loves us. As I walk each day, I am reminded of what the lord has truly blessed me with and I will be purposely thankful for this each day.

Now, I am still new to marriage having just gone through my first year. I still have many lessons and challenges to go through in life but I hope sharing these thoughts of my first year will help and encourage some of you who are reading this.

XO,
Shay

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