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I’m not who I used to be…


When you hear the words “YOUR not who YOU used to be” or when someone makes you aware that you’re not the same person anymore, it hits you hard. When you think about those words you heard, you tend to over analyze it, because you don’t want to be different. I know I didn’t want to be different, I loved who I was. I think… surely just because I’m a mom IT doesn’t make me a different person. Then I caught myself thinking.. WAIT who am I? This brought on many insecurities within myself that I had to deal with and really pray about. Any girl can tell you that sometimes WE deal with identity crisis. When you go from being single to married, from free to being a parent. Those words hit you hard.

Then I got angry with myself… why am I worried about being different? I am mom now… HELLO! With all of these changes came so many different emotions, different conversations with friends, all the new experiences I am dealing with, to the feeling of having the weight of the world on my shoulders.

My typical nights went from “what new restaurant do you want to try downtown, to do you want diaper duty or bottle duty tonight?” We go from a world of being able to sleep in if we want to, to having this precious little life we now have the greatest pleasure of raising. Instead of making a decision that will affect my future I am making many decisions that will shape who my daughter becomes.

I loved who I was as a young adult, of course I had struggles through my teen years just as everyone else did but I soon found my way, I found the person who I was and I was pretty good at it.

And now… I’ve changed.

I find myself sitting there thinking I don’t know who I am anymore…

I start to feel lost… Like am I just another mom pushing a stroller around the sidewalks of my neighborhood? Which is now our new evening routine. Then it hit me… yes I am a new person… I am a mother, a mother to the most amazing little girl. I look deep into her eyes and I sit there and wonder will I ever be able to show her how to be a strong woman of worth? I want her to grow up being confident and true.

Again, yes I have changed… although my mind is bringing back old memories and the fun I used to have, my heart is embracing this new me.

This is my new fun! So I hug my daughter a little tighter each night, she won’t always be this little. I am forever blessed and grateful that God gave me this little life to raise.

I am still learning the ways of raising my child, learning to love bigger, pray harder, and fall deeper into my Savior. You learn that it’s much easier when you place all your faith in him, because he has a plan for you.

God has truly blessed me.

XO,
Shay

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14 comments so far.

14 responses to “I’m not who I used to be…”

  1. What a darling baby you have! I remember all those same feelings with my first child. Even now, I feel like I’ve lost a bit of my identity. But change is a good thing, it shapes who we become. You are doing great, mama!

  2. I hope life with baby brings you great joy! Mine are all grown now with the youngest starting high school today. Remember to give to yourself so you can be the best mom to others.

  3. Alicia says:

    This post is so true to my life right now! Struggling to be a mother and also finding yourself. I think all mothers feel like they have changed and lost themselves through motherhood. Will we find a new and better person when our kids are grown and we can admire who we raised our children to be?

  4. Rae says:

    This is a great post! I love that you’re reflecting on yourself in the past, but change is always good. Your daughter is beautiful!

    I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Mystery Blogger Award! 🙂 You can check it out here: http://www.raechic.com/mystery-blogger-award/.

    Rae // http://www.raechic.com

  5. Lisa says:

    Having children totally changes us. But that doesn’t mean it is bad! I know I changed a lot too. But I’ve grown in ways that I would never have without being a parent. I think it is a good thing. 🙂

  6. Bola says:

    Absolutely true. Knowing God just makes the journey absolutely smoother.

  7. Anissa Cosby says:

    I appreciate your transparency in this blog post. I wrote a Facebook status once about how our identity shifts throughout life. We go through many titles! We shouldn’t expect to stay the same over the years. That’s the beauty of life!

  8. La Shell says:

    Ah this is life! We grow all the time and sometimes it’s frightening. But it’s great to embrace change and move on with it!

  9. Candice says:

    What a powerful post! I love that you shared this.

    Becoming a mom is life changing so it’s only fair that you change with it. You have to. Sometimes it’s hard to grasp because it all happens so quickly and you don’t even realize it.

  10. I think it is more like “you are who you will be.” Life is a journey full of learning and change. We can’t stay the same because we continually learn new lessons. Nice article

  11. Shanika says:

    I love this post! It’s definitely hard sometimes to be comfortable in our transition. As a first time Mama myself, I’m learning this. But it’s so important that we accept the changes and know that it’s definitely OK to be different. It’s also important that we surround ourselves around people who GET IT! Wishing you the best on your journey! 🙂

  12. Maria says:

    This is so true! I was only thinking about the same thing the other day! Being a mum of three and sometimes I also have an identity crisis. You kinda sit there going how fast did my 20s go and wait what I’m a mum now?
    Loved reading this! Thank you x

  13. Courtney says:

    I love this… becoming a new mom really is a bit of an identity crisis because sometimes it can feel like we are losing ourselves. I am really trying to find my identity in Christ alone… not as a mom, not as a wife, not as a teacher…those are just different hats that I wear. My identity is being a daughter of the most high God! Thanks for writing. 🙂

    Courtney
    http://www.thegoldentabby.com

  14. Pamela says:

    I can guarantee you that you will forever be changing so this statement will always be true. Now that my kids are older (26 and 16) I can honestly same I am not the same person I was when they were little and I am actually pretty proud of that. Life is an evolution. Welcome the changes and continue to evolve. You are going to find that you will love the person you are no matter what stage in life you are at. Enjoy the ride!!

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