When you hear the words “YOUR not who YOU used to be” or when someone makes you aware that you’re not the same person anymore, it hits you hard. When you think about those words you heard, you tend to over analyze it, because you don’t want to be different. I know I didn’t want to be different, I loved who I was. I think… surely just because I’m a mom IT doesn’t make me a different person. Then I caught myself thinking.. WAIT who am I? This brought on many insecurities within myself that I had to deal with and really pray about. Any girl can tell you that sometimes WE deal with identity crisis. When you go from being single to married, from free to being a parent. Those words hit you hard.
Then I got angry with myself… why am I worried about being different? I am mom now… HELLO! With all of these changes came so many different emotions, different conversations with friends, all the new experiences I am dealing with, to the feeling of having the weight of the world on my shoulders.
My typical nights went from “what new restaurant do you want to try downtown, to do you want diaper duty or bottle duty tonight?” We go from a world of being able to sleep in if we want to, to having this precious little life we now have the greatest pleasure of raising. Instead of making a decision that will affect my future I am making many decisions that will shape who my daughter becomes.
I loved who I was as a young adult, of course I had struggles through my teen years just as everyone else did but I soon found my way, I found the person who I was and I was pretty good at it.
And now… I’ve changed.
I find myself sitting there thinking I don’t know who I am anymore…
I start to feel lost… Like am I just another mom pushing a stroller around the sidewalks of my neighborhood? Which is now our new evening routine. Then it hit me… yes I am a new person… I am a mother, a mother to the most amazing little girl. I look deep into her eyes and I sit there and wonder will I ever be able to show her how to be a strong woman of worth? I want her to grow up being confident and true.
Again, yes I have changed… although my mind is bringing back old memories and the fun I used to have, my heart is embracing this new me.
This is my new fun! So I hug my daughter a little tighter each night, she won’t always be this little. I am forever blessed and grateful that God gave me this little life to raise.
I am still learning the ways of raising my child, learning to love bigger, pray harder, and fall deeper into my Savior. You learn that it’s much easier when you place all your faith in him, because he has a plan for you.
God has truly blessed me.