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Experiencing Life’s Unsurerity


Hi lovelies,
Today’s post I am really opening up and being vulnerable. I had many of you ask a few weeks back what happened and how was I doing. I truly was amazed by all of the support you all gave me through a difficult time in my life. I just want to thank you all for your kindness and let you know that I am now ready to open up and speak on it. Today marks a month that I was admitted into emergency surgery and lost my baby as I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy.

I was confused, I heard that term before but thought this couldn’t happen to me. I have heard maybe two people in my life speak about their experience with it so I assumed it was something that rarely happened. It wasn’t until I experienced it myself that I came to the realization after speaking to a few others on my experience that they expressed to me that they had gone through an ectopic pregnancy. From hearing stories from others I have felt extremely blessed that my doctor caught it when she did because it could have been so much worse.

The day of my daughters second birthday I started spotting, just light bleeding. I knew something was wrong but I had zero pain. I continued the day as normal celebrated my daughter and kept my mind from overthinking and my hands from my phone to stay off of Google. Which by the way did not happen, Google can be your own worst enemy in times like this. I waited a day to see if the spotting would stop and it didn’t so that Monday I went to the emergency room. I spent over three hours in the emergency room, did blood tests, two different ultrasounds, pelvic exams all to be told I was going through the early stages of a miscarriage. The Doctor did not know 100% for sure what was happening so he did ask for me to go see my OB as soon as possible. I went a few days later to my OB and they ran blood tests and did another pelvic exam. Sure enough, I was still pregnant with my levels increasing. We scheduled an ultrasound appointment for the next week, I was so anxious to get answers and to finally know if everything was going ok. That next Tuesday I went in for an ultrasound and after that was completed I immediately had to sit down with my dr. The first thing she told me was that there were visible signs of a heartbeat and I was almost 8 weeks along but I had an ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy is when the baby attaches to the fallopian tube instead of the uterus. I was in complete shock. I didn’t know what to do. My husband was at work and I was alone getting this news. She then told me I would need to have surgery to remove the tube and the baby, I then asked when will the surgery be. My mind started racing on everything I still had to do, I wasn’t processing anything fully.

Immediately my doctor sent me over to the hospital to get me ready for surgery where my husband met me. I was lucky my doctor was able to do this procedure laparoscopically. The surgery was about 30 minutes long and then it took me an additional 30 minutes to kind of wake up from the medicine. I did stay overnight but was released early that morning. I say I was lucky it was laparoscopically because my doctor did say there was a chance I would have to have a C-section remove the fallopian tube and the baby. My recovery was not too bad physically, I was mainly just sore. It was hard for me to climb in my bed and get dressed do to the incisions but pain wise I rarely felt anything. It took me 3-4 days before I was back to semi-normal, I still wasn’t able to pick anything up but I was able to move around more quickly and drive.

Once I was home I was finally able to process everything, I feel like the first 24 hours for me were a blur. Something we had been praying for and wanting for so long was taken away from us so quickly. I have always told my husband that if it came down to myself or a baby when I am pregnant then I would want him to choose me. I still have Mia I need to be here for. I went through all of the phases the anger, the guilt, the questioning, to the peace. Don’t get me wrong I still have my moments from time to time but nothing like I had in the beginning. I am very strong in my faith but yes I questioned God, I asked why would he do this to me? After praying and healing I realized God was protecting me from something I will never understand. He was there with me every step of the way, if I would have waited a couple more days then I could have potentially bled to death.

I am writing this post to share with everyone that this happens more than we all realize. It’s ok to feel the way we feel, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to speak on it. I feel the more we speak out on experiences like this the more we can be there for each other and shed light on this topic. When this was all happening I told my husband no more children, I did not want to put my body through this again. I was terrified of this happening again, I never had any type of surgery before this one. I had no idea what to expect or how my body would heal. It was a few days later that I finally told my husband ok maybe one more baby. I came around much faster than I expected to but I know that God wants me to have more children. There is nothing I did that caused this to happen even though in the beginning I went through every second of every day replaying each and everything I did thinking I caused this. When really it is just something that happens that we cannot explain why. There is a reason for everything happening in our lives and as painful as it can be I know there is a reason that I experienced this. I am hoping that with sharing this will help at least one person know that they’re not alone.

XO,
SHAY

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